Record three minutes of my fucking thoughts.
What are thoughts, why won’t my brain fucking shut up? it’s constantly noisy and never quiet. Will it ever stop? Do other people have there brains stopping? is there quiet? peace? what the fuck do normal people think about on a daily basis. I literally cannot stop thinking about the thing
the thing
the thing
the thing
what is the thing? I remembered on my drive to work this morning that sometimes a couple of months ago my boyfriend said I am not the best sex he ever had. Why did I remember this? I don’t know. why am I stuck on it? I don’t know either
yes, I want to be the fucking best.
I want him to think I am the best
I am not the best
who was the best
don’t fucking tell me who was the best
that will make it worse
when I was hurt that he said I wasn’t he said “well can you for 100% certain say that I am your best”
I could.
But I didn’t “pfft no” I lied
Because I would feel foolish. It would be foolish. Not foolish, afraid of the feeling of rejection.
Why aren’t I his best?
What do I need to do better?
why can’t I fucking stop thinking about it?
has it been three minutes?
it has.
Thoughtsofasuicide_ 