I hope you never see me the way I see myself.

So it takes a special kind of person to be able to make me feel the way he dose. It scares me. More than that, it terrifies me. They tell me I push away anyone who tries to get close to me and yet for the first time in two years I finally feel that just maybe that won’t be the case… But then again, it has only been a couple of weeks. The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt him in any way. I find myself more concerned about his feelings than my own and I don’t want to do anything in the world that could upset him. I sometimes think maybe I should just leave him alone in order to avoid anything bad happening in the future, but I don’t think I could do that. I don’t want to stop feeling the way he makes me feel. But then what will happen when he realizes I am not as fantastic as he thinks. When he starts to see all the things wrong with me that I see every single day? I think he is so fucking amazing and he deserves far far better than me. I don’t think anyone in my life has ever been as good to me as he has and it’s not fair. I can never give him that, I could never be that good to him. Although he makes me happy I just know I’m not good enough and that makes me sad because I know he will realise this soon

I just need one person to tell me that it is ok

Just one single person, to tell me that it is ok to kill myself and i will fucking do it. I am sick of this shit. People tell you to call them when you want to cut yourself but they don’t answer the phone. I fucking hate people so much and yet i seek there acceptance. I don’t know why but i do know that i am losing my mind.