Death is easy. To live is the most painful thing i can imagine.

It’s a distraction, for one moment you don’t feel all the pain, the loss and the hurt. All you feel is the blade going through your skin and the blood dripping down your leg. You don’t think about how alone you are or how fat and ugly you are. You don’t think about how wrong everything about you is and you definitely don’t think about the shame you will feel in a weeks time when you see your scars. You don’t think of the people who talk about you behind your back or about how your family wishes you were never borne, nor do you think of your friends who hate you. All you think about is the blood. The worst part is you know you will want to do it again. Why? because all the hurt and pain comes back. When your cut is no longer fresh you can feel the build up of pain, sadness and anxiety until you cant take it anymore. You have to cut again. Maybe a little deeper this time so the numbness will last longer. The pain on the inside gets worse so the pain on the outside needs to get worse too. Its the one think you have control over. The pain on the inside cannot be controlled. It only gets worse and their is nothing you can do about it. It will never go away, but you can control the pain on the outside. So thats why you do it.